So I went to the doctors.
She was pretty nice, I knew when I got there I would be very nervous (and I was) and would just forget what I wanted to say, or get tongue tied or defensive, so I had printed out the blog from Sunday and made a list of things that bothered me, such as the anxiety, how the depression came out, the confusion, fatigue, lack of concentration, etc.
She asked how she could help, I said well I had got very down for quite some time but it was easier to explain if I showed her something from the time, as otherwise I tended to detach from it. So she sat and read the blog, and asked a few questions as she went (like what omg was). She said she had never had someone hand over a blog before... I like to be different. I find it easier to write though than talk.
So she asked about the boy, she asked about my marriage breakup, how it had ended, how custody was settled, etc. We talked about that and she said it gave her background. The blog gave us a discussion point which was just great, it was a place to start from. She started by saying i was obviously psychoanalytical... by the end she said I was very very psychoanalytical and had spent a lot of time thinking and analysing myself and understood myself pretty well. She picked up on quite a fwe things. The mood changes, the hopelessness, the fact I knew what I wanted to do but was being held back by it. The fact I wasnt looking for answers, just something to help me be able to start to enjoy life. She also was pleasently pleased with my comments about the fatigue, sleeplessness, anxiety and downness feeding each other in a circle.
She then read the list of symptoms and laughed, but in a nice way. She said if you gave that list to anyone that suffered depression then they would just sit there going yes, got that, and that and that... I had to do a quick 8 question questionaire, grading how frequently I had had the symptoms the last few weeks, hopelessness, sleep problems, lack of concentration, etc. She said I scored pretty highly on that two, and basically all three things said I suffered with depression and had down for a long time, probably all my adult life, if not longer. She asked if I felt detached afterwards, and I said oh big yes.
She asked if i had thought about what this might mean, and i said no, with the past bad experiences with doctors and my ex it was just a struggle to get to a Doctor.
It basically came down to three things she could offer.
1) counselling, they have a therapist there but the waiting list is 4 months, private obviously is quicker but cheaper, and it might help as i had issues to deal with like low-self-esteem, but maybe in the future as it had helped before but I sounded like I probably needed some stability now to get something to work with.
2) anti-depressents
3) there was a self-referral psychotherapy thing in Oxford, a group thing, but i might find that hard being a little socially anxious, but it was an option for later.
We talked about the anti-depressents and my ex's experience on them, her two preferences were prozac and cipramil, she said the ex's sleepiness with prozac was unusual... but if i didnt fancy it then a different one was fine, she had a list she was happy to prescribe and if I had a preference then that was fine and I could choose. She then said the only problem with prozac in her experience was it wasnt good if you got anxious. I said as anxiety was all over what i had written , so i said maybe we should give that a miss... So we settled on cipramil (Celexa in the USA).
She gave a little spiel about anti-depressents, I knew a lot because I had heavily researched it before, with the ex. So I knew this one, and them in general. She didnt at all go into what they were for, the effects they have, the way they are supposed to work, or what to expect... So I am glad I knew, it must be hard for people going in cold.
I mean, a Doctor listens to you talk for 10mins, nods and smiles from a few foot away and then offers you counselling or anti-depressents and you are supposed to decide?
I said yes, I know its a long term thing, but I am willing to invest in it, and to try... to start enjoying life. I said I felt better just knowing I was trying to do something.
So.
I have a prescription, will try and get it tomorrow. Back to see her in three weeks time so she can see how its going. I think the only concerns I have are the possible weight gain and loss of libido. I've kinda only just started to enjoy my sexuality, and would hate for it to be too adversely affected.
I am tired now, I was pretty stressed all day. Collecting the blog and making that list of things was a necessary distraction and also pretty useful, as it did give a really good indication of the place I get to. She put a copy of it in my records for the future.
Thanks everyone for the support, it has been amazing. This is just a step, a small step. If it helps even out my moods, then the real hard work begins.
She was pretty nice, I knew when I got there I would be very nervous (and I was) and would just forget what I wanted to say, or get tongue tied or defensive, so I had printed out the blog from Sunday and made a list of things that bothered me, such as the anxiety, how the depression came out, the confusion, fatigue, lack of concentration, etc.
She asked how she could help, I said well I had got very down for quite some time but it was easier to explain if I showed her something from the time, as otherwise I tended to detach from it. So she sat and read the blog, and asked a few questions as she went (like what omg was). She said she had never had someone hand over a blog before... I like to be different. I find it easier to write though than talk.
So she asked about the boy, she asked about my marriage breakup, how it had ended, how custody was settled, etc. We talked about that and she said it gave her background. The blog gave us a discussion point which was just great, it was a place to start from. She started by saying i was obviously psychoanalytical... by the end she said I was very very psychoanalytical and had spent a lot of time thinking and analysing myself and understood myself pretty well. She picked up on quite a fwe things. The mood changes, the hopelessness, the fact I knew what I wanted to do but was being held back by it. The fact I wasnt looking for answers, just something to help me be able to start to enjoy life. She also was pleasently pleased with my comments about the fatigue, sleeplessness, anxiety and downness feeding each other in a circle.
She then read the list of symptoms and laughed, but in a nice way. She said if you gave that list to anyone that suffered depression then they would just sit there going yes, got that, and that and that... I had to do a quick 8 question questionaire, grading how frequently I had had the symptoms the last few weeks, hopelessness, sleep problems, lack of concentration, etc. She said I scored pretty highly on that two, and basically all three things said I suffered with depression and had down for a long time, probably all my adult life, if not longer. She asked if I felt detached afterwards, and I said oh big yes.
She asked if i had thought about what this might mean, and i said no, with the past bad experiences with doctors and my ex it was just a struggle to get to a Doctor.
It basically came down to three things she could offer.
1) counselling, they have a therapist there but the waiting list is 4 months, private obviously is quicker but cheaper, and it might help as i had issues to deal with like low-self-esteem, but maybe in the future as it had helped before but I sounded like I probably needed some stability now to get something to work with.
2) anti-depressents
3) there was a self-referral psychotherapy thing in Oxford, a group thing, but i might find that hard being a little socially anxious, but it was an option for later.
We talked about the anti-depressents and my ex's experience on them, her two preferences were prozac and cipramil, she said the ex's sleepiness with prozac was unusual... but if i didnt fancy it then a different one was fine, she had a list she was happy to prescribe and if I had a preference then that was fine and I could choose. She then said the only problem with prozac in her experience was it wasnt good if you got anxious. I said as anxiety was all over what i had written , so i said maybe we should give that a miss... So we settled on cipramil (Celexa in the USA).
She gave a little spiel about anti-depressents, I knew a lot because I had heavily researched it before, with the ex. So I knew this one, and them in general. She didnt at all go into what they were for, the effects they have, the way they are supposed to work, or what to expect... So I am glad I knew, it must be hard for people going in cold.
I mean, a Doctor listens to you talk for 10mins, nods and smiles from a few foot away and then offers you counselling or anti-depressents and you are supposed to decide?
I said yes, I know its a long term thing, but I am willing to invest in it, and to try... to start enjoying life. I said I felt better just knowing I was trying to do something.
So.
I have a prescription, will try and get it tomorrow. Back to see her in three weeks time so she can see how its going. I think the only concerns I have are the possible weight gain and loss of libido. I've kinda only just started to enjoy my sexuality, and would hate for it to be too adversely affected.
I am tired now, I was pretty stressed all day. Collecting the blog and making that list of things was a necessary distraction and also pretty useful, as it did give a really good indication of the place I get to. She put a copy of it in my records for the future.
Thanks everyone for the support, it has been amazing. This is just a step, a small step. If it helps even out my moods, then the real hard work begins.
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