The boy

I had a long chat with my ex on the phone last night, after the munch. I'm glad we cleared the air earlier and it made me feel more comfortable talking to her, after I'd avoided doing the whole "hiding how i felt as i didnt want to wind her up" thing. She was a little upset, the boy had been telling her how much he missed his dad and how much fun they had. He said he wished i lived closer. Ex and I talked a lot about what i do at weekends, the things he doesnt say. I make sure we go food shopping and do chores around the house, do the laundry. All normal day to day life things so that its not all just fun and games. I am well aware I have more money than her, and the weekends are basically free for me so it would be so easy to spoil him. But. I made a conscious decision to never spoil him, to never make it that weekends were all just fun with Daddy compared to a week of having to go to school, do homework, etc with Mum. That would be so unfair and wouldn't help him. I will not play him off against his Mum. Yes, we go out and do stuff and have a lot of fun at it, but it's the simple things that mean most, going to the park, going out to see places just to enjoy it together, sitting making a mosaic together and getting ourselves all gluey, sitting sticking cardboard boxes and yoghurt pots to make spaceships and ray-guns. I also need time for me, I love him dearly but I need a little bit of the weekend to relax from work too. So, there are those times when he will go off and play and I will just read or listen to music or just putter about the house. I think we have a good balance.

So I tried to show her this and she got a little less upset. However, hearing that he'd said that about me, that he wished I lived closer and that he loved the weekends. I could have burst. He's got a lot more affectionate the last couple of weeks and, like everything else at the moment, things seem to be clicking into place. I am so proud of my boy, how he has come along. He's been going to beavers now for a few months, he was so timid to start with. He's just got a trophy for being best beaver. He's just been made little leader of his group of four or five others. I'd not have thought it a few months back. He's proud of himself. I'm proud of him. I can't wait to see him tomorrow and just squeeze the hell out of that special little boy of mine.