Stockings

Before Christmas, I mentioned I was going to spoil myself just because of ME and becaues I wanted to. Not because anyone told me to, or because it was what they wanted of me but just because hell, I am an adult and this is part of me I want to explore and want to feel and want to know and see how I react and just feel. So long I've been closed off to things because of what was expected of me or what I thought was my duty or what was "normal". Well blow it, now I know I've done my duty and now I am me and time to explore that.

The toenail polish, I tried before Christmas and loved how pretty it made me feel. Not feminine, this isn't about trying to be or appear to be feminine, just things which appeal to me and make me feel good and pretty or feel nice. This week, I received a pair of stockings. Just because I wanted to try them, wanted to see how they felt. Call it an experiment. An investment in just trying and seeing how it felt, a little spent now to see. They were fishnet stockings that linked up to a built in thong so it could all attach together. I tried them on for the first time, rolling them up my legs in the middle of the night after a terribly sleepless night... and they just felt so nice. It was strange, I wasn't sure what I expected but it just felt kind of natural. It really did. The sensation, the material, the tightness, just, *purr*. Its just a delight in the touch, the feel. I liked it... after the initial omg what am I doing, and just settling down into enjoying it for what it was, it was just... right. It also kinda looked a whole lot better than I thought it would, in fact, when I took some pictures to look at I really liked how I looked. Wearing them, the tightness, the feel, the way they moved as I did. I have to say... I've never felt so sexy before in my life. I felt so HUNGRY, so lithe, so sensual... *purrr* it was an amazing feeling.

I've always been kind of bothered by how indefinite my tastes were. I like a little of this, a little of that, a little of everything. I've never had that drive or passion for one thing that some people have. I react to others, things they say spark me off, but that huge drive and passion.. no. I always felt a little wishy-washy, and indefinite because of this. Someone recently described me as reactive, and that I need a container to fill like a fluid, adapting and changing to their needs. I like that so much better as a thought. Its all me, just.. different parts. I guess my passion is people. This follows though in my tastes. I am a pup yes, that is most undoubtedly true. I also like nice things, and textures, and touches, but nothing ever becomes all consuming, all distracting to the point of not enjoying other things. Thats a nice way to be, a little this, a little that, reacting to other people. So, I really liked that sensation, and its part of me I will pursue in little small (but very pretty) ways, but its just a part of me. I also just loved Mistresses reaction as I *SO* want to look pretty for her and I am really really pleased how much she liked it. Being dressed for her is just such an incredible feeling, as much as what you have on, be it ribbons or stockings or anything. Going all day and knowing she knows and is pleased with what I have on, and with me, and I am on her mind, is as (if not more) intense and fulfilling as the actual intensity and distraction of the item...


One thing that did really surprise me though. Afterwards, this weekend, when I went to wash them. I had to hand wash them because of the material. After the just balatant sensuality of wearing them, something I wanted. The act of washing them felt incredibly submissive. It brought me to such a humble soft quiet state of mind as I scrubbed them by hand. I really really had not expected that. That was ummmm very humbling.

I also ordered a corset this week! My first corset which she selected for me. You don't know HOW hyper i've been all week because of that! Its beautiful burgundy kid leather...