Repurcussions

I must stop having odd weeks. Monday was quite a shock and I was very glad to be there and I could give her someone else to lean on and also to talk things through with the boy. I know it helped, she said she was talking about me at work on Tuesday (its always good to have a good press) and she was a lot more positive. The first shock and impact of the "what might happen" and the words "incurable" fell into the correct place when thinking of the timescales involved, the may never happens, the worst cases. That life carries on, that now these little things weren't just imagined but they have a name. That she will be monitored and just have an idea what happened. She was much more positive on the Tuesday and I know she will have bad days, when things get to her and so this comes out of the back of her mind, but thats just usual.

Tuesday however was the day I fell to pieces and wanted to cry all day. I guess the shock hit me after I stopped having to be a bright smiley encouraging face for them. It was the day of my performance review at work so I was not very enthused about that (which is ok, as my boss new what was going on), but I really just wanted to curl up for the day. 3hrs sleep didn't help, so I kind of dragged myself through the day until a quiet evening to finally just relax quietly and let go. I never cried though, it just settled somewhere in the back of my head.