Mistakes

I had something I was supposed to do last night, but I'd been up for 20hrs after not sleeping well the night before and got myself a lil confuzzled and went further than I had intended to when it had first been discussed. I've always been traditionally very hard on myself for making mistakes or misinterpreting things or having ummm accidents.

This morning though, I just woke up... thought about last night and with a clearer head thought "ohhh bum" and took the first chance I could to tell her and that was the end of it. It felt such a really great way to start the day, in her arms. I don't know if it made such a difference that it was a genuine honest mistake and I made it with the best of intentions to do what I thought I was supposed to at the time. I know in the past when I've been SO hard on myself its been when I've misunderstood or worse, couldn't hold on... When I've been SO scared of disappointing her I've punished myself inside.

I prefer this way. My duty is to try, my duty is to grow, my duty is to learn, my duty is to be honest and present the good and the bad openly. I'll make mistakes and I hope they'll always be honest ones, but in reality I know sometimes they will be because I'm not in the right place in my head and am jittery or ornery or crabbit or unsettled. Being able to be just totally open and not worry, it was a really special feeling. In return, I know she has a duty of care to me and to help me learn and not make those mistakes, for both of us. So if I have accidents, I'm going to try and just say "Ma`am, help me not to.". If I don't understand something or its unclear. I just ask! I think the only way I really could disappoint is if i didn't speak out.