Fetishes likes pleasures

Yes, I did a lot of calm quiet nice thinking on that walk. I think these thoughts came from that quiet acceptence you get of yourself when faced with the infinite diversity of nature.. and that you dont have to try an fit in with everyone else as you have your own place just as yourself. I was thinking about the lovely lingerie at the store I'd passed at the beginning and then letting my mind go places I'd never really let it go before, especially to things that had appealed to me in the past but I could never really look at as they weren't NORMAL.

Reading blogs on alt, talking with friends... there is such a wide range in our tastes, desires, wants... needs. Some are more developed than others, some are just little tastelets. We don't have to want the whole thing, and that always confused me. I never really understood the desire behind pony play... and yet little things about some pet play did appeal to me. Puppy play anyway. Not everything.. but things. The fact that ALL of it doesn't appeal to me doesn't matter. Its a voyage of discovery. Its a voyage she has helped me discover. It takes turns that I don't expect or wouldn't necessarily have gone, but thats the delight of it being in her control. She has opened up things, things I wouldn't even have admitted to myself and made them feel wanted. Having admitted them, I have started to accept them in myself but that just makes it more wonderful when she twists and turns and delights in playing with things HER way.

So... the latest that came out as I looked at them. It sounds so silly in writing, but it was a kind of major leap in accepting my meness.

First was thinking back to my childhood, reflecting on things my boy has said... about things being "unfair" as boys can't do them. I've always had a strong desire... from when I was little to paint my toenails. See, I squirm just to say it as it has such connotations to it, things which arent part of me. I just like the thought of it even though its a simple thing. So there, said it. I have in mind this gorgeous dark blue colour. Silly isn't it? To be hung up on such a thing that society considers odd. Hell, I am single, living alone.. why shouldn't I make the most of it? Letting this seep out in my mind led to another, deeper hidden thought. That always attraction to women's lingerie... the elegance, the prettiness of them. You know it doesn't have to MEAN anything. It doesn't have to mean I want to act feminine or dress feminine or anything... I just like their prettiness. Hell it doesn't even mean I think I'd look good with painted toes or anything... just, I like them. Thats quite a leap in my mind. Its a nice leap.

I'm quite probably bi-sexual... Even though guys don't attract me, not in the way women do... or lead me to the same level of intimacy emotionally, I like people... I like people's sexuality both male and female. I like the tactileness of people and enjoying them and the thought of them enjoying me. Just, you know... its so simple isn't it? No stereotypes, no oh if you do that you must be this... just... enjoying yourself.

I have no idea where this might get taken but, you know, thats part of it, and I'm again so grateful for what I've been shown so far about myself and just quite HOW lucky I am to have had my eyes opened.