It was the year...

So I've been thinking about how I would end my first year of blogging. A review of the year comes to mind and then my head starts talking in "grand voice over man" voice and my love of great SF programmes comes to mind and I hear the opening credits of Babylon 5 and start thinking "The year is 2006...". Anyway, ignoring my prediliction for melodrama... a few thoughts from 2006.

Favourite film: Cars, yes, I'm soppy. As I may have mentioned I love this film as it summed up one of my great lessons for the year. Slow down, stop trying to "get" somewhere and enjoy the road you are on. As a very very wise Lady (see, thats a promotion.... wise Lady is waaaay above friend) who is also a great friend (thats a GOOD thing btw) and my Mistress (and thats like a waaaaaaaaaaaay amazing thing) told me recently things don't stop changing until you die, so what we really HAVE to enjoy is the process. Thats a paraphrase I don't have the email with me of what she said as it was very succint and precise and very much her way of just dropping three or four words in your path that while small feel like a concrete roadblock as they have that much impact.

Favourite TV programme: Planet Earth. Just astoundingly beautiful and the BBC at its best. We live on such an amazing planet.

Favourite book: Thud, Terry Pratchett. I've been really really really bad this year about reading, and I haven't finished Wicked yet and Terry Pratchett's books are ALWAYS so much fun to read.

Favourite song: Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol. This is a heart stopping song and the moment the opening bars start I just have to stop and listen and give it my full attention. Its so heartfelt, so simple, so beautiful. It reminds me of a much loved friend who I sang it for in the back of her car while we toured Scotland in August. She might never feel the same way I feel for her, but thats not the point. I love her, and if she needs me, needs that safe place for a moment, she has it, no matter how much it may hurt when she feels safe and secure and carries on. It also reminds me of a beautiful friend I made this year who sang it in return for me. It totally humbles me someone could offer me something so precious. Thankyou Cuzi.

Favourite place: This was hard. My first thought was Loch Ness, or somewhere else in the Highlands. Walking along the river Nevis with the puppy. They were such a beautiful place. After thinking about it though... its East Ayrshire. Thats the place that felt like home when I returned to it. Walking along Troon beach knowing that I felt so much like I belonged there. That I wanted to be there not because of anyone, but because of the place.

Favourite memory: Again, this was hard... So as it's my blog and I'll cheat if I want to (you can sing that to the tune in my head, if you really must) and choose a couple.

The time in August in Scotland was such a bitter sweet time. It was the best holiday ever. I felt so privilaged to have my friends company for a week. For her to let me take her precious beagle pup out for long walks by myself knowing that pup means more to her than anything in the world. Walking along the river for four hours just me and the pup. It was as near to heaven as I've known. So many wonderful times with my boy as well, its hard to choose.

Time spent getting to know so many wonderful new friends around the world who have delighted me so many small little things which brought a smile to my face. To time spent with pheobe, Mistress, LadyM, Tracy, Kath, karen, Christine, wistan, Ms Jolie, T, MzA and so many others too numerous to mention. In person, on the phone, online or just in writing. Wonderful times.

A two part memory. One that started with Mistress places her collar on me and completed with a little shiny brass tag falling out of a white envelope into my hands. Thankyou Ma`am. Something I'd never have dreamed of, and something that always leaves me humbled with a "why me?" in my mind.

The boy, falling asleep with his head in my lap. Who could ask for more?

Things learnt:

This was a year of change, a year of consolidation, a year when I stopped looking back at something that wasn't really there, stopped being "her husband" and started to explore what was me instead. A year where I fought with bouts of depression and mostly won... came out more optimistically than I started anyway. A year where I not only started to accept my sexuality but started to enjoy and treasure it. A year of new friends and the hints of new possibilities. A year where I finally started to like my quirky little body just as it is and realise other people might like it a little too. A year where I stopped hating my voice and how it sounded and know some people kind of like to hear it and want to listen to me ramble. I've learnt that wisdom is nothing without experience, and experience can be only gained one way. The hard way. I've learnt that if you pick the right people they are wonderfully full of compasion, patience, time and energy despite their own woes. I've learnt survival is not the only option and depression doesn't last. I've learnt I like pain when its delivered in some delightful ways by a delicious person. I've learnt some good things this year and changed more, and in more positive ways, than maybe the negative ways during the 10 years I was married. I've learnt how wonderful it feels to create, even if its just these simple words here and how much bigger the world seems when you get over your head.

A hard year... but a pretty good one.