New friends

Yes, I am playing catchup again after a busy work/busy life kind of week last week. I've noticed that as life get's busy and I have more to write about I both have less time and less inclination to write (as I'm knackered!), so then play catchup slowly after... Mostly. Sometimes I just chat about things with friends and then it never get's written.

I never did get round to writing up about Amsterdam! There are a few things I do want to make sure I say though. A week last Friday I made a new friend. That made a pretty mediocre week (pretty tired out through working each evening) into an amazing one. That day had been pretty naff starting anyway as something had gotten to me. It was a strange thing. I've known this person by seeing their comments on Alt for awhile, they've left me a few nice comments and I've responded. I was a little intimidated though. They came across as very smart, strong, focussed despite everything they had gone through. We had said a few things in comments that encouraged each other and I had just left it as that. I started reading their blog and it opened up more sides of them too me. I think it was the few times she let her guard slip and showed how much she struggled too and some of the quandries she was in with trying to work out and redefine who she was, feeling bits of herself going in different directions and the confusion that brings. It made me go oh yes.... knowing just how that feels. You have this smart, funny woman who has doubts, concerns, worries, desires and fears... and suddenly very approachable and human.

I have a silly fear. You share a few nice comments with someone and thats all nice and safe. If you reach out and try and go further you risk losing that. You may not get on, you may not like each other, you may have nothing to say to each other and just get stuck at a "hi" and thats quite embarrasing. When do you risk something "safe" and try and make a real friend? Well, I think you should always do it, even though I do it rarely... So I made that step. Emailed her. Invited her to say hi to me on IM if she wanted. I had a minor heart attack when she did thinking "oh god what do i say now". We talked. We talked on and off all day and it was just so NICE. So easy and we found so much in common with how we thought about things, the bad things as well as the good. I found myself just saying "yes" all day and smiling that someone else knew all those silly thoughts and feelings we have, without having to explain why we can be so daft... without having to explain or justify myself. I think thats the feeling I came away with at the end of the day. I had been pretty open about things and never had to qualify it or justify it or explain the less than ideal things. That and she was just fun to chat with on every level.

It was good. Very good. Making friends is always worth the risk! Sometimes we just need to find the right person to make the friend with to make it work.

In the evening, I went to the cinema... Went home, the last text on my phone had been from my new friend. I'd finished eating when I got a call on my phone with this voice saying "so are you out of the kitchen now? did you enjoy the cup of tea?". I was like OMG what? How did she know? It totally threw me. Then she explained, somehow my phone unlocked in my pocket, hit that text and hit dial... so she had been stuck on the phone for twenty odd minutes listening to everything I did. I was so glad all I had done was make dinner! I was SO embarrased I went completely red, and just giggled. It was a great ice-breaker as I think both of us would have been too nervous to make a call. We giggled and talked for an hour or so about this, that, other things and it was just how friends are supposed to be. Even if I still chuckle when I think of her calling me up with the ultimate stalker line of asking if i'd enjoyed my tea!