Challenges

Various conversations recently have made me think and watch my moods more and the things I tell myself that are harmful. I mean not like really bad things, but the little things we say to ourselves that undermine us. The little "I can't do that"'s. The things we repeat to ourself that other's have said unkindly. That sort of thing.

I thought of three that I know I do quite a bit which I've decided to work on and try and put behind me. To consciously stop myself when I do them and look for ways of showing myself they aren't true.

So... here they are, so I don't forget and can remind myself they aren't true.

1) That I am not submissive really. I am just an overly horny geek and just pretending. This is an old one and one I know at least one other friend suffers with. This stems from doubting myself, doubting my motives and reasons. Doubting what I have to give and that very bad thing "comparing myself to others". Everyone has different things to give and by thinking this I am undervaluing myself which is damaging, its always making me feel inferior or wrong. This goes back to very long term fears that I would be "found out" for what I am really like and then people wouldn't like me, if they knew the "real" me. Yes I am a horny lil runt, but that's not all... and I know what I have in me is uniquely me and is very much treasured by the right people.

2) That I will never be in a relationship again. This is another old favourite in my head and is nicely self-martyring. Telling myself I am a nice guy and all (which is pretending to guise it as a positive thing) but I've had my chance and I'll never find someone that wants to be close to me as more than a friend. That that's what I am good for, to be people's friend and to be there for them. That basically I can't be close to someone intimately because I am not capable, that I don't have the right things to give, that I am lacking in things. You can see a pattern emerging here can't you? I can.

3) That I bother people. That people will get fed up with me and I mustn't bother them so much or they'll get bored and just be nice and humour me. That I'll get on their nerves.


Three things and all coming from a feeling of inferiority (which is weird considering the position I have at work and how generally that doesn't bother me so much). So I need to work at my feelings of insecurity and inferiority and stop myself from going down those routes as they reinforce and feed those feelings.

Something very definite to work on.