Weddings

Tomorrow is my sisters wedding. I've been fairly ambivalent about this because well... it's a family social function which is generally shall we say less than the optimum of stress free experiences.

I was rather shocked when my sister announced she was getting married. She has been with her boyfriend for 24years. She has been engaged for 22years. She has two kids with him. It's always been a source of distress for her though that they weren't married. She always wanted it (especially because she knows my mum disapproved early on of them living together unmarried or hum hummed and made them sleep in seperate rooms when they came to visit, pre-the-kids). It always stressed her she never married. It always made her feel... less... I think than the other two of us who did marry (even though mine ended after ten years). I think it was that little girl dream of being married and committed and happily ever after. It's been bothering her more recently as the kids grew older and adults started noticing her surname didn't match theirs. She didn't want to just change her name... and her bf knew this was bothering her and so he finally said, lets go ahead with it.

I could understand that, for practical reasons. Even if society has moved on about unmarried parents it bothered her and made her feel less of a family. Not my reasons, but I could understand it. She said initially, a small registry office wedding followed by dinner afterwards. This felt good to me. Family only, no friends. Intimate. Unfussy. Well Un-weddingly actually but appealing to my sentiments of being a confirmation of previous commitments rather than any flashy showoff or ultimately for the guests.

Of course it grew. I thought feature creep was bad in software development but it has nothing on wedding plans! The first step was the registrar telling my sister that she had to make sure she had a nice wedding dress if she wanted one as you only get married for the first time once (yes... she did say the first time once). Enjoy it, make the most of it. So, the plan of a nice gown which she could wear again to a ball apparently transformed into a white wedding dress. The dinner for family into a more formal reception. Little little things being added so my sister stressing more. If you think i am a panicker, you should meet my sister!

I spoke to her on Saturday and she was stressing a bit about how she would have time to do it all, how she would manage to get the table decorations done as she had to do it the day before her wedding, etc, etc. I told her to stop worrying about all the details, all the other people and that everything was perfect for them and to stop putting pressure on herself or she wouldn't enjoy it as she would have too many expectations, too many things she was worrying about for other people, when no one else mattered apart from them. I hope she really does try and relax and enjoy the time for her and stop trying to make it perfect!

I am very excited though because Kay's coming with me for the first time. I know this was hard for my ex and for my son to begin with but it was what I wanted. This is my family, my families occasion. Not my ex's family even if she gets on with them. I know my boy found it hard to begin with that his Mum wasn't coming but that I was inviting Kay... but... I want Kay there for me. I want Kay to keep me company. I want Kay there so it will be fun for me. I want Kay there so I can show her off to my family as she is my girlfriend. I want her there just so I get to see her for a little bit.

So, for both Kay and for my sister as its her special occasion I made the effort tonight and will put on a tie and put on the suit jacket despite grumbling upto now saying I'd probably just stick to a smart shirt and trousers. I hope it goes well, and it'll be nice to be a smart pup for once for both of them.

Hey it might actually be fun :)