Sexual Health Checkups

I wasn't going to write anything publically about going for a sexual healthcheck but after having been through the experience I decided it might benefit those who had thought "oh I should" but not been too sure or been too nervous about going or otherwise found excuses not to.

The clinic I went to in the UK is attached to a major hospital so you have to walk all the way through the hospital to get to it, but once there it felt private and very much different than the rest of the hospital. It was more modern, better laid out, much more like a doctor's surgery than one of the normal specialist areas in a hospital. Those who have been in a UK hospital will know what I mean - there is a certain "functionality" of the design and decor over style. Not that it's not clean... its just designed to serve a purpose and be maintainable rather than feel comfortable. This was much more like an office waiting room. The receptionists were friendly. The reception designed nicely so that even though it was open on their side for them to talk between each other, on our side it was divided by barriers to give you privacy from anyone else that was speaking to another receptionist. Whilst some of the receptionists were young they were very friendly and efficient, asking if it was my first time and asking me to fill in a registration form and wait.

And wait. And wait. My appointment was at 10.45 and I didn't get called until 11.30. I kept hearing other people that get called that weren't actually in the waiting room so I assumed there must be a second waiting room actually inside the clinic. It was big enough though that people could sit discretely away from each other if they wanted, whilst they did the nervous and I need a pee and why haven't I been called yet bum shuffle.

They called my name. Well called my name twice as I ignored it the first time as it disappeared into that general buzz that you get from loudspeaker announcements and told me the room to go to. This and the long wait were my only real nervousness about the whole experience and I don't think I was the only one. Everyone waiting kinda looked at each other going "what did they say?" when the voice came over the speakers. I guess one of those shared nerves things, I may drop them a note to mention it as I don't think I was the only one and they have obviously gone to a lot of effort to make people feel at ease. When I did hear my name I went off to the room mentioned and knocked on the door and went in. It was a nice older lady doctor waiting. The room was really well laid out with the examing table at the far end of the room and her seated by a table just as you came in, with your chair just by the door, 90 degrees to her. I don't know if this was intentional but it worked very well. None of that long walk across the room to the doctor which can be intimidating or having them directly opposite you and peering over a table at you. I suspect actually that they have spent some time thinking about this.

She started asking a few simple questions but was very conversational then stopped herself and said she should explain about the unit. It was completely independent in its records. It had its own lab for smear and urine samples. Blood samples would be sent off to the main lab but would be coded anonymously by an internal patient number. No reports would be released to your local doctor or anyone else. She stressed the confidentiality of it and that they saw themselves as a service. She explained what they could test for. That the process would involve a discussion of why I was there followed by a urethral swab, a physical check of testical, penis, etc, for any swelling or infection and then the urine sample. The swab and sample would be processed immediately for initial results and then final results would come back on the longer term tests. They could offer a blood test if I wanted for syphillis and HIV for completeness. She explained the meanings of the results, the time period it takes for HIV to come out so when you would need a retest if it was something you were worried about.

This was all very reassuring and again, kind of different to the experience I have had with doctors before who have always been kind of rushed with consultations and got onto the practical buts without taking time to explain.

So we sat and asked about my past history and it was all very straightforward. Most recent partner, activities. Details of any other partners in the last six months. Any symptoms. Any other concerns. She wasn't rushed but quite happy to discuss things and happy to admit I didn't quite fit in any of their standard categories of which tests to perform. I mentioned I was involved in BDSM relationships. She took this quite easily in her stride except I had to explain what the B and D were as she hadn't heard that before... so from then on I just refered to it as S&M to save repeating that. She mentioned they offered Hep B immunisation as it was often was easier than at a local GP who tends to ask lots of questions why. We talked about it and agreed it would be a good idea because of the possibility of coming into contact with it at play parties. She gave me a piece of paper with the things they could test for and when the results would be available and also an indication of how treatment would proceed if any were found positive.

Then the physical exam, she drew the curtains around the examining table so that if anyone walked in it was screened from the door. Told me to lower my trousers and underwear. First a check of my testicles whilst I stood up. A few pokes and prods and her saying it might be uncomfortable and asking if it hurt anywhere. Then laying back on the table (do you know how hard it is to climb up onto an examining table with your trousers round your ankles?) and her examining again and around my penis and foreskin. It actually wasn't at all embarrasing and she said immediately she didn't see any problems. Then the urethral swab. A little stick with a swab on the end pushed a little way into the urethra. She said to look at the ceiling and it would feel mildly uncomfortable and sting but would pass quickly. I didn't have the heart to tell her I've used a sound. I was impressed though that as always she explained what was going on.

Then she led me to the bathroom. Gave me the cup to pee in and said pee to the given line and then the rest down the toilet. Leave the cup in the little hatch in the wall to be collected, go and sit in the second waiting room and wait to be called. Again, clear instructions.

More waiting and then called by first name to the nurses room. Sit up on the bed and first blood from one arm and then the Hep B in the other arm. The nurse was nice and went and got a vaccination booklet and filled in the date and gave me a leaflet about possibly side effects, etc. I asked what next so she looked to see I hadn't got my results and told me to go wait back in the waiting room.

After more waiting. Called again by the first doctor. This time she made sure she spoke my name clearly as I had said I had struggled to hear it the first time. She told me straight away all was fine. She asked how I wanted the results, to either call and get them or to get an anonymous text. I said by text and she filled it in on a slip of paper for me to hand over to reception. She handed me another piece of paper explaining about the text service and that it would either say "All is clear" or "Phone the clinic on xxxx" and that it would be in ten days time. Very efficient. I asked when the next Hep B was needed (as they have different schedules depending on if you are at risk) and she looked and saw the nurse hadnt said, so she ticked the box for a nurses appointment one month later.

She told me to hand over the slip of paper to reception when I left but to go wait one more time as the health advisor would see me before I left. So go wait again. Called to a different room, a different lady. Very friendly. This room laid out obviously as an education room with samples of condoms and things for those that needed them as well as penis models to teach people how to use them. Less medical looking and just casual chairs facing into the centre of the room. She explained that they always saw someone on a first visit to make sure they understood what was going on and what it meant. I thought this was a great approach even though things were fairly straight forward with me. She went through my notes. Repeated what had been done and why. What happened next. Asked if I had any questions. She made comment about the Hep B and I explained why, that I was involved in SM situations even if at the edge. She agreed it was a wise precaution. Again, no hint of judgement. We talked about the possible implications of bisexuality and spread of HIV. She asked me what the biggest risks would of being involved with men in an SM situation. I gave my thoughts and she agreed that they showed a reasonable awareness and reiterated the needs for care. She didn't lecture though and she seemed to fully respect the fact I said I was there because I wanted to be responsible for my sex life. She told me they had a booklet specifically for men involved in SM with other men, just in case that did occor, did I want it as they didn't keep it on display. I said sure and she spent a good ten mins off trying to find it before deciding that they must have run out and not reordered. She looked quite annoyed about that as she said it was really good. She obviously really did care about trying to spread information on the subjects at hand and she mentioned about the internet, etc, as a good resource instead. I was very impressed with her open and practical attitude, promoting awareness even if it was on the fringe of what you might experience just in case things went further.

Then I left. Handed in my slip and made the appointment for the Hep B stage 2 and wandered off. All in all it took about 2 hrs, so half hour over the original "90 mins" they told you to plan for but it was a very straightforward, routine and well organised experience. The staff were professional but still managed to be friendly and not keep that aloofness which you sometimes see in the medical profession. This made things a lot less stressful and I am very glad I did it.

I didn't expect there to be anything wrong and am glad to be proved right but I am also very glad I took the responsibility for myself and those I am with to find out for sure. I don't really know how I can say "I love you" to both of my very much beloved and adored partners without trying my best to take care of them.