Today was a pretty tough day in the end. I don't know if its because of lack of sleep, or if maybe it's just an early side-effect of the meds (or both) but I was just uptight from the moment I got up today. Just... edgy. Nervy and slightly agitated. Curled up with the boy and chatted, watched a few cartoons (he just SO loves super-hero cartoons now and sits chatting away about the different characters wanting to know what they can do and can't and what their weaknesses are) and then drove to the cinema to meet his mum.
She was happy to see him. As it was Mothers Day I paid for us all to see the latest version of Charlotte's Web. Its a really sweet film, so beautifully done, just sweet enough and Julia Roberts is a complete delight as the voice of Charlotte.
We all enjoyed the film, and I sat there making myself relax and forget the edgy feeling while I watched. When we left, I just wanted to get back home as quickly as possible and not linger on the goodbyes or anything and make myself more fragile. We got to the cars, I handed over his stuff and she asked if she had a card. Oh dear. Yesterday when we were in the shops, the boy point blank refused to buy a card as he had made them at school. He was NOT in a good mood yesterday and was pretty insistent that he already had her a card, so he didn't need another. I decided to listen to him.
So I told her, he had made her one from school, and she freaked. Freaked that we hadn't bought her a card. I think her exact comment as she stormed off to the car was that she would go and buy herself one then. So I got in my car and drove off, really not wanting to be involved. I think I could see her telling him off in their car as I left. Maybe I could have gone back, but past experience has shown me that removing myself from the situation is the best thing to defuse it as then she has to calm down.
So I drove off, and she kept ringing me. I assumed she was just being pissed off at me, so I ignored it as I was driving. Eventually, after about the 7th time, on both my cell phones I gave in and answered quickly and i'll admit a little angrily saying what, as I was driving. Her car had broke down. Joy. I wasn't about to go back and help, she was not exactly sounding happy, so I said of course she could use the breakdown cover I still paid to include her on, so I knew they would be alright. Feeling bad about the card, thinking I had so made the wrong decision about that as I wasn't thinking too rationally over the weekend. I drove home, ignoring a few more phonecalls and rang her when I got there.
The breakdown company had refused to deal with her as she started off by saying she didn't know the address I lived at as we were seperated. It seems that even though she is named on the breakdown cover document it only applies to "spouse at same address". Well, from telling me this she then started on saying she was an unfit mother, that I should come get the boy and take him away and have custody of him full time. Basically one of her normal "things are going wrong so I will start digging at myself" rants. I said no, I wasnt going to come get him, so she said she would take him to social services.
I lost it at this point. I was sitting in the car in the drive and just screamed at her to stop being such a fucking idiot and saying stupid things like that and didn't she realise I was going fucking nuts here and couldn't handle this sort of shit anymore. I was just shaking. I really felt too fragile to deal with that sort of thing. So I hung up. Went inside and tried to calm down. When I had got my breath back. I phoned her, she needed me to speak to them and say it was ok for her to use my policy. They phoned, were very apologetic about the situation and asked if it was ok. When I explained, they said that was fine this time as she would be off the policy next time.
After all that I was pretty washed out and fragile and feeling physically a little shakey, buzzing in an agitated way. It did not feel how I normally handle things, so I knew it was just something I had to wait out. Nothing to do about it but wait til it passed.
My Owner was online so I just said hi and curled up on the couch. Just sort of stared out the window and sat with her, really only looking up every now and then when she said something. Its probably what I needed, just some space with out any pressure to talk, or say anything, but just the quiet company there every now and again. So I sat there, speaking maybe every 10-20 mins, and just trying not to let it get to me. A very weird feeling. After she went to bed I just watched some tv, til I texted the ex to make sure she was ok. She phoned back a little after that to apologise. She said she hadn't realised the boy had made her a card at school and it was lovely, and she was so pleased with it and really was fine he hadn't bought a card too. I guess she hadn't listened. I apologised too for losing it so badly with her and she said that was fine, she hadn't realised how bad I was feeling but then she could kind of remember how she felt in the same situation.
I was glad I got the chance to apologise and to know there were no bad feelings. I am also pretty glad I was proved right into NOT pressuring the boy to buy a card yesterday. I know at the time he was so insistent about it I thought it would be belittling him and what he made if I made him buy a card too. Basically telling him the one he had made wasn't good enough. I know I've not been feeling exactly rational this weekend so it was really good to know I'd still made the right decisions. It's also good to know that on a bad day I can do whats needed to get through without falling too much to pieces or being totally reliant on others.
Now its time for bed and I feel a lot calmer, more like myself again and nicely sleepy so hope I get a better nights rest.
She was happy to see him. As it was Mothers Day I paid for us all to see the latest version of Charlotte's Web. Its a really sweet film, so beautifully done, just sweet enough and Julia Roberts is a complete delight as the voice of Charlotte.
We all enjoyed the film, and I sat there making myself relax and forget the edgy feeling while I watched. When we left, I just wanted to get back home as quickly as possible and not linger on the goodbyes or anything and make myself more fragile. We got to the cars, I handed over his stuff and she asked if she had a card. Oh dear. Yesterday when we were in the shops, the boy point blank refused to buy a card as he had made them at school. He was NOT in a good mood yesterday and was pretty insistent that he already had her a card, so he didn't need another. I decided to listen to him.
So I told her, he had made her one from school, and she freaked. Freaked that we hadn't bought her a card. I think her exact comment as she stormed off to the car was that she would go and buy herself one then. So I got in my car and drove off, really not wanting to be involved. I think I could see her telling him off in their car as I left. Maybe I could have gone back, but past experience has shown me that removing myself from the situation is the best thing to defuse it as then she has to calm down.
So I drove off, and she kept ringing me. I assumed she was just being pissed off at me, so I ignored it as I was driving. Eventually, after about the 7th time, on both my cell phones I gave in and answered quickly and i'll admit a little angrily saying what, as I was driving. Her car had broke down. Joy. I wasn't about to go back and help, she was not exactly sounding happy, so I said of course she could use the breakdown cover I still paid to include her on, so I knew they would be alright. Feeling bad about the card, thinking I had so made the wrong decision about that as I wasn't thinking too rationally over the weekend. I drove home, ignoring a few more phonecalls and rang her when I got there.
The breakdown company had refused to deal with her as she started off by saying she didn't know the address I lived at as we were seperated. It seems that even though she is named on the breakdown cover document it only applies to "spouse at same address". Well, from telling me this she then started on saying she was an unfit mother, that I should come get the boy and take him away and have custody of him full time. Basically one of her normal "things are going wrong so I will start digging at myself" rants. I said no, I wasnt going to come get him, so she said she would take him to social services.
I lost it at this point. I was sitting in the car in the drive and just screamed at her to stop being such a fucking idiot and saying stupid things like that and didn't she realise I was going fucking nuts here and couldn't handle this sort of shit anymore. I was just shaking. I really felt too fragile to deal with that sort of thing. So I hung up. Went inside and tried to calm down. When I had got my breath back. I phoned her, she needed me to speak to them and say it was ok for her to use my policy. They phoned, were very apologetic about the situation and asked if it was ok. When I explained, they said that was fine this time as she would be off the policy next time.
After all that I was pretty washed out and fragile and feeling physically a little shakey, buzzing in an agitated way. It did not feel how I normally handle things, so I knew it was just something I had to wait out. Nothing to do about it but wait til it passed.
My Owner was online so I just said hi and curled up on the couch. Just sort of stared out the window and sat with her, really only looking up every now and then when she said something. Its probably what I needed, just some space with out any pressure to talk, or say anything, but just the quiet company there every now and again. So I sat there, speaking maybe every 10-20 mins, and just trying not to let it get to me. A very weird feeling. After she went to bed I just watched some tv, til I texted the ex to make sure she was ok. She phoned back a little after that to apologise. She said she hadn't realised the boy had made her a card at school and it was lovely, and she was so pleased with it and really was fine he hadn't bought a card too. I guess she hadn't listened. I apologised too for losing it so badly with her and she said that was fine, she hadn't realised how bad I was feeling but then she could kind of remember how she felt in the same situation.
I was glad I got the chance to apologise and to know there were no bad feelings. I am also pretty glad I was proved right into NOT pressuring the boy to buy a card yesterday. I know at the time he was so insistent about it I thought it would be belittling him and what he made if I made him buy a card too. Basically telling him the one he had made wasn't good enough. I know I've not been feeling exactly rational this weekend so it was really good to know I'd still made the right decisions. It's also good to know that on a bad day I can do whats needed to get through without falling too much to pieces or being totally reliant on others.
Now its time for bed and I feel a lot calmer, more like myself again and nicely sleepy so hope I get a better nights rest.
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