Nerves

I think nerves might be catching. I have a friend thats going to NY soon to meet someone special to them and has had a sudden bout of the "am I good enoughs". In fact they are going about the same time as me and thats been comforting, knowing both of us are going into the unknown, meeting people we really want to like us, filled with a mixture of anticipation, excitement, fear, doubt, worry, delight, disbelief this is happening, wanting it just to be NOW.

It's been a weird week here. On one sense its been lovely. A few of us stayed over at a friend from works house, played Wii and PS/2 games all evening. Had a sleep over and had such a blast.

On the other hand, work is so frustrating its driving me quietly nuts. We don't seem to achieve anything. It's meetings, talking about things, obstacles, issues, politics. I don't mind days when I am busy and you come home thinking you've done a good days work. Days when I come home thinking "what did I do today" just leave me exhausted and apathetic though. So thats how I've felt most evenings. Tired. Weary... and not just in being physically tired. Just weary to the point of wanting to do little.

So I've been a bit quiet, and I know not as chatty as I can be. That means I've not really talked to a few people I'm visiting. Jolie. Ms Silvie, Tracy. Different working hours, not being really enthused enough to write long emails, all silly little things. Oh and I've managed to forget my meds three times this week (though never twice in a row, thankfully). Little things leaving me in a slightly less than positive frame of mind. So now I am starting to have nerves about the visit, especially with those I've not managed to speak to much recently. Silly things like how quiet I am normally, how will people take that when I know online I can be pretty bouncy/silly? How will the real me compare?

Tracy and I haven't had much time together in the last few weeks and that starts you to wonder more, its so easy to forget that they like you... One thing I've learnt from my friend up in Scotland is its so easy to imagine a distance between you just because circumstances mean you arent together. One has to trust, believe, remember, before you start filling in problems which aren't really there. I am pretty glad I've already learnt that lesson and know I need to put to bed the little doubts.