Anniversary

I didn't think today would get to me, but after all it has. Mum mentioned yesterday that Sunday would have been our 12th wedding anniversary and asked how we were with it. I hadn't even thought about it til then to be honest. I knew it was coming, but I ignored it. Technically it is still our 12th as we are still married. We always knew we were going to hit "12" before we file for divorce in August based on two years separation.

When I got to the ex's she looked sad, her eyes teared up and she mentioned it saying "sad huh", so I gave her a hug. She mentioned it a few times while I was there, especially as she had something she wanted to give me as "thankyou" for helping her a few times... She apologised for the timing of giving it to me, on our anniversary. I think it had bothered her more thinking about it than me, but as she mentioned it - it kind of built up inside me.

So now I am home and it was a quiet drive home. It's a sunny day but I don't really want to go out. Don't really want to talk to anyone in fact. It feels sad. 12 years and it ended in failure and with us both alone.

Thats how it feels like. I know the reality is different. It wasn't a failure, we have a lovely boy from it. We are good friends. We are both happier thna we were when we were together. The abuse has stopped, she keeps control of her temper a lot more, we are both more independent and able to deal with things. I know this is a good thing.

For today though. It feels sad. I'm going to let myself have that time, and tomorrow will be a bright new day.

So, off to putter round, make the house look perfect then curl up with a DVD. If I'm really adventerous I may even put the DVD in the player and turn the TV on...

Til tomorrow.