Well, this isn't quite the blog I expected to write when I got back from Amsterdam.
I haven't written for a week. My landlady came home from the Philippines and she wasn't at all well, so the week kind of disappeared with spending time with her and trying to make her feel better. We made it to Amsterdam Saturday. She flew back to the Philippines from there, I flew back to the UK.
Unfortunately, when I was getting the coach back to Reading from the airport, I checked my email and found some very bad news. The Lady who was my Owner has had some difficulties at home and her husband has withdrawn his consent for her having pets online. She has done the only thing she could, withdrawn from online life in order to work at her marriage and her family and to do what she needs to do to make it work.
I am so proud of her for doing this. We talked a long time ago, before I was hers about online life, hiding things from partners, what the lies do to you... and I knew she did what she did with her husbands consent. I told her then if she ever had to leave in order to save her family, she should just do it and not look back. She reminded me of those words in the email she sent, and I am so proud of her for doing what she has to do. I just hope it works out for her, I hope she can make it work, I hope she finds the sort of life she wants and that her family are happy. I understand her reasons totally, and respect her more than ever. This is the measure of the woman, that she could do the hard things that needed doing, despite it not being easy. This is why I love her.
As for me? I hurt. I hurt more than I thought possible. I cried all the way home on the coach. I cried all last night, on the phone with a friend crying back. I feel numb, I feel hurt, I feel overwhelmed, I feel unable to think, I feel like its a bad dream I can't wake up from.
I miss her. I miss her so much. Not just as my owner, but one of my dearest friends. That's what is so hard, I've lost one of my best friends as she won't be around anymore.
I had to take the tag off my collar last night. Put it away.
Just to show the timing, I collected my corset just after I read the email. Its beautiful, she would have loved it. I am just sorry she never saw it.
What will I do? Carry on as she expected. I can't run, I can't hide, doing anything like that would dishonour all she means to me, she saw a strength in me I never saw, can't see. She told me she would run after me if I ever tried to run. She can't do that now, but I will not let go of all the things she taught me and all the things she showed me, I know she still believes in me despite not being able to be there.
I am still going to Thunder in July, meeting my friends. Still going to Ohio afterwards to meet up with Tracy. I want to keep being the person that made her proud, no matter how much I may stumble at this time.
ScarlettRose, my friend, I love you and I will keep loving you. Be safe, be well and my prayers go with you to do what you must.
I haven't written for a week. My landlady came home from the Philippines and she wasn't at all well, so the week kind of disappeared with spending time with her and trying to make her feel better. We made it to Amsterdam Saturday. She flew back to the Philippines from there, I flew back to the UK.
Unfortunately, when I was getting the coach back to Reading from the airport, I checked my email and found some very bad news. The Lady who was my Owner has had some difficulties at home and her husband has withdrawn his consent for her having pets online. She has done the only thing she could, withdrawn from online life in order to work at her marriage and her family and to do what she needs to do to make it work.
I am so proud of her for doing this. We talked a long time ago, before I was hers about online life, hiding things from partners, what the lies do to you... and I knew she did what she did with her husbands consent. I told her then if she ever had to leave in order to save her family, she should just do it and not look back. She reminded me of those words in the email she sent, and I am so proud of her for doing what she has to do. I just hope it works out for her, I hope she can make it work, I hope she finds the sort of life she wants and that her family are happy. I understand her reasons totally, and respect her more than ever. This is the measure of the woman, that she could do the hard things that needed doing, despite it not being easy. This is why I love her.
As for me? I hurt. I hurt more than I thought possible. I cried all the way home on the coach. I cried all last night, on the phone with a friend crying back. I feel numb, I feel hurt, I feel overwhelmed, I feel unable to think, I feel like its a bad dream I can't wake up from.
I miss her. I miss her so much. Not just as my owner, but one of my dearest friends. That's what is so hard, I've lost one of my best friends as she won't be around anymore.
I had to take the tag off my collar last night. Put it away.
Just to show the timing, I collected my corset just after I read the email. Its beautiful, she would have loved it. I am just sorry she never saw it.
What will I do? Carry on as she expected. I can't run, I can't hide, doing anything like that would dishonour all she means to me, she saw a strength in me I never saw, can't see. She told me she would run after me if I ever tried to run. She can't do that now, but I will not let go of all the things she taught me and all the things she showed me, I know she still believes in me despite not being able to be there.
I am still going to Thunder in July, meeting my friends. Still going to Ohio afterwards to meet up with Tracy. I want to keep being the person that made her proud, no matter how much I may stumble at this time.
ScarlettRose, my friend, I love you and I will keep loving you. Be safe, be well and my prayers go with you to do what you must.
No comments:
Post a Comment