Pretty pills

I love my little white pills. I really do.

For once I am not being sarcastic. They have helped me so much with keeping perspective. Restoring balance. Stopping me over-reacting or getting anxious about things. Not making one situation get swamped by all the others, so they remain discrete.

It really does make a difference.

Monday morning I was kind of stressed, well ok I had a lot on my mind and was trying to re-evaluate how things had changed in a relationship based on revelations. I knew we'd get through it and things would be fine, but I needed to go through all the emotions.

Monday morning I could see it was getting to me when I rechecked I had locked the car 5 times. Got to love OCD behaviour. Love the little ways the brain hits you with a club and says oi, boy, I am kinda dealing with as much as I can now, give me a break.

So I listened. In fairness its about the first time I've done that since the meds kicked in, to that extent anyway. So it was a warning and I took it. I gave myself some slack in the day, planned a quite evening of "wallowing" if thats what I needed. I bought some ice cream on the way home (not Ben and Jerrys as I decided I was going to wallow, not bankrupt myself!) and decided on the traditional evening of a tub of ice cream, some wine and bad tv.

Yes, I know I am a girl. Or so several people told me :P So sue me. You are just jealous as I look better in fishnets than you do!

Heh ok so that WAS my intention but I ended up drinking only 3cm of the wine and not starting the ice cream til 11pm. The rest of the time involved being pretty happy as a friend said she was going to go get help for something bothering her and talking with a relatively new friend on the phone for the first time, which was a delight.

BUT, I did give myself space to get through some feelings, which made me a happier bunny.

Thats the difference. I was anxious, had some symptoms but the meds gave me space to deal with it and not let it escalate. So cool.

This put me in a much better place when my friend really needed me the next day.

If you do suffer anxiety that stops you doing things, that seriously impacts your life, that leads to depression, going in circles, paralysing you... PLEASE consider getting help from your doctor. It doesnt have to be like that.