Sometimes you wonder if you are being very brave or being very foolish. I think I had one of those moments yesterday.
I received a nice email from my sister-in-law responding to my updating her how life was going. She wanted me to know she was thinking of me as she hadn't had time to write, and didn't want me to feel she was ignoring me. She is having a hard time at the moment with work, worried after a take over and redundancies (they've already had some, and more forecast). It made me smile and glad we've started to get so much closer, even if she lives in Arizona. I've always liked her but kept her a little at arms distance, as I kept everyone that way.
It's been wonderful opening up and getting to know each other again and I don't want to lose that. When I read her email I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to reach out and let her know how much I appreciate her friendship, especially as things get stressful for her. I wanted her to know I value and trust her and keep building those bonds.
I can't really help except listen, and let her known I've been there before with all that worry and I do understand. I don't want to make that empty and one-sided though. I want to show I value and trust her and she can talk to me about anything (just as we had when both of us had marriage difficulties). I had already told her about the anti-depressants and depression (and that was SO hard but has brought us closer).
So. I wrote her an email saying I totally understood about her being so rushed and hectic and how much I appreciated her, and reaching out and opening up and letting her see more of myself. I wrote about my bi-curiousness, the struggles with my sexuality upto now and how much more comfortable with myself I am. I also told her all about the July try (all she knew to then was I was going to see friends). Explained about Thunder. Explained about how I've come to explore the BDSM scene. I knew it would be a shock so I spoke about the stereotypes from TV, and how much different the BDSM community is. How loving. How self-aware, intelligent, strong, empowering.
She emailed me back last night, quickly... as she didn't want to leave me worrying about how she took it. She had said before she was sure whatever I did or was exploring either she or one of her friends would have done... but I was right, this was a new one on her ;-). She didn't know anything about it apart from the stereotypes but said she would do some research when my brother had gone to bed, to try and understand. She also reaffirmed how much she loves and accepts me and always will.
I feel very positive about this. I know she won't mention it to my family. I just need to get chance to write to her more, make sure she doesn't worry about me and understands just how good this journey has been for me. I think she may already have seen the difference, just doesn't know it. It feels good though to be open with someone in my family, to just be me. I think trusting her will make us firmer friends and not just casual relatives, I think it will bring us closer and that will not be a bad thing for either of us. Now I can love her properly.
I received a nice email from my sister-in-law responding to my updating her how life was going. She wanted me to know she was thinking of me as she hadn't had time to write, and didn't want me to feel she was ignoring me. She is having a hard time at the moment with work, worried after a take over and redundancies (they've already had some, and more forecast). It made me smile and glad we've started to get so much closer, even if she lives in Arizona. I've always liked her but kept her a little at arms distance, as I kept everyone that way.
It's been wonderful opening up and getting to know each other again and I don't want to lose that. When I read her email I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to reach out and let her know how much I appreciate her friendship, especially as things get stressful for her. I wanted her to know I value and trust her and keep building those bonds.
I can't really help except listen, and let her known I've been there before with all that worry and I do understand. I don't want to make that empty and one-sided though. I want to show I value and trust her and she can talk to me about anything (just as we had when both of us had marriage difficulties). I had already told her about the anti-depressants and depression (and that was SO hard but has brought us closer).
So. I wrote her an email saying I totally understood about her being so rushed and hectic and how much I appreciated her, and reaching out and opening up and letting her see more of myself. I wrote about my bi-curiousness, the struggles with my sexuality upto now and how much more comfortable with myself I am. I also told her all about the July try (all she knew to then was I was going to see friends). Explained about Thunder. Explained about how I've come to explore the BDSM scene. I knew it would be a shock so I spoke about the stereotypes from TV, and how much different the BDSM community is. How loving. How self-aware, intelligent, strong, empowering.
She emailed me back last night, quickly... as she didn't want to leave me worrying about how she took it. She had said before she was sure whatever I did or was exploring either she or one of her friends would have done... but I was right, this was a new one on her ;-). She didn't know anything about it apart from the stereotypes but said she would do some research when my brother had gone to bed, to try and understand. She also reaffirmed how much she loves and accepts me and always will.
I feel very positive about this. I know she won't mention it to my family. I just need to get chance to write to her more, make sure she doesn't worry about me and understands just how good this journey has been for me. I think she may already have seen the difference, just doesn't know it. It feels good though to be open with someone in my family, to just be me. I think trusting her will make us firmer friends and not just casual relatives, I think it will bring us closer and that will not be a bad thing for either of us. Now I can love her properly.
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