Differences of Opinion

Delivered safely to the airport and shoved on a plane back home before she spends her final few weeks there and then is off to the philipines.

I should be asleep but the boy is wide awake and eating breakfast, I had finally got him back to sleep but then the postman rang the doorbell. I think thats kind of decided today, I do NOT think today is the day to go out and try and be sociable!

I finally got to bed about 1am and the shower woke me up about 3. Off to the airport and 4.30 and then home by 6.30. Boy finally back to sleep by 7.00 and now its 8 and I think we are up now. So while he has breakfast I will write whats on my mind.

Last night she and I had a long chat about things. One of the we discussed was how the week was. She admitted how hard she had found it this week at times. The boy can be quite wearing when he get's the chatties, I know he gets to me, so for someone without kids it must have been quite exhausting. Thursday the boy had slapped her arm as I think she said something bad, and I know that shocked her. Its a bad habit he does with his Mum and I. His Mum lets him and I tell him not to, I've never seen him do it to anyone else though so he must have been very comfortable with her and not thought. He doesnt know his own strength though so I really did tell him off. He went really quiet after, as he does when he knows he did something really wrong. So, she found that incident hard. She found the chatties hard. She found his energy tiring. Some of the ways he addressed me. I was glad she admitted them as in a way it made me feel less bad about things. Kind of knowing ALL the things that bugged her let me just sort through them, think about what I agreed with and do try and stop him doing and which ones frankly I think are just down to tolerence and lack of experience with kids. I know this is her home but, he does treat it as his home too (as it is) and so, I am not going to apologise for him just being a little boy. I am very proud of him. Actually know WHAT was going through her mind I found made me very much happier at stop apologising for things and feeling bad about how I looked after him and feel a lot more confident. He is a good boy.

Also, interestingly we discussed an even Wed night when she (at the last minute) was asked out for dinner with a friend and the boy reacted very quietly and sadly, very much as if he didn't quite know how to react when she wasn't going to be there. Last night he got very quiet before bed again, and a little jealous... saying things which I knew he didn't mean after chatting and playing with her earlier. Again it was kind of obvious it was because he had a lot going on in his head and didnt know how to handle it all. Her going, going back to his mum. Lots to take in in one go. She said a very interesting thing. She felt guilty for confusing him, for coming in for the week, being here and letting him get attached and then going again.

I disagreed strongly. Kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for and while they may get upset at individual things it doesnt stop them enjoying the whole. Holding back so we dont get involved is just denying them the chance to have the good relationships which show us what is good and right. She said it showed how people don't have around... now to me so many adult relationships we get hurt, screwed over, people walk out... I want him to know people can be good and special and that when those relationships change it doesnt HAVE to be for bad reasons and we can remember what we had. I want him to see that the bad ones are the abnormal, not the expected. I want him to have that background. I want him to enjoy it when its there and look forward to them coming back. When people are away I still talk about them. I talk about my best friend to him even when things are quiet between us so he knows she is still there, she still asks after him. I think its too easy to get wrapped up in adult things and forget children need to know that things havent just stopped or people vanished and life does go on.

I see it as a good thing he has learnt to attach so easily and feel so close. If he can keep that he will never have trouble making friends or loving people. I would rather him learn that you can love and love again than to be scared and lonely. We also talked about other things, how shocked she was some of the things I honestly spoke to him about... like if he asks if I am talking to someone on the computer I say yes, and tell him who. He knows most of my online friends by name and to recognise their name. Why lie? Why complicate things? He knows me. He knows enough about them to be interested and ask how they are. He knows enough to know I will not lie to him. He would just worry otherwise. He may say somethings to his mum but, frankly, thats her problem.

*smiles* Daddy really is the nicest word when you know you might fail at some of the day to day things but... but... but... you feel pretty sound in the things you are trying to teach him over time.