Changes

I'm feeling very unsettled this week. It's a week of change or the start of change and I have to admit thats one thing I don't deal with well. OK yes, so there are a lot of things I don't deal with well, but change is the current one at the top of the list. For this week anyway.

Where to start. The beginning of the week saw an unfortunate exchange of words with my closest friend. She was hurt, lashed out I think after the most terrible thing had happened to her that day. It was not pleasent. Accusations flung. Left a bad taste in my mouth, especially after I found out what had been going on. I don't really know where I stand - from one day sending friendly texts to the next, that. I don't know if it was the accusations which hurt, or the thought I had been spied on or just not really knowing how she thinks of me. I do know it got to me though, despite trying not to let it. I was on edge and snapped at a friend much later in the week when they mentioned her. I don't think I quite realised til then how it was niggling away. I probably needed to let that out to be honest so I could just step back and get on. Since then, things have been friendly but distant.

Workwise I have to say this was the week from hell. Any week when there is more than one morning where you walk in and get jumped on at 7.10am with servers broken is not a good week! Any week where one of those breakages is someone in your teaming doing it for the second week in a row is certainly not good! I won't even go into what happened when we finally found out what he had been doing. Let's just say the week was so bad we'd all agreed the pub was mandatory at lunch and the double-vodka and orange i'd been encouraged to drink may not have made me the most patient person in the world... Well, I was polite and stuff, just maybe a little direct. I guess he is probably scared of me again. This was before we got into the project management grief. Oh my.

But.. but.. all the change wasn't bad, just... lots of it. A guy I used to work with asked me a question and I fascetiously said I'd only answer if he had a job. Well. There's a good likelihood I will have an interview next week now... By end of the week I'd applied for another two jobs and heard back from both agencies. They are so very different, I've got a lot to think about.

One a small company, do everything, work all the hours, take a pay cut... One a huge multinational, be part of something which you can't get more well known as, have an equivalent salary. Such complete ends of the spectrum. So much to consider, the travel, the financials, the type of work, the hours. How to make these decisions? How to keep confidence that I really could do these jobs? Minor panic panic.

Then... the best news but also the hardest to take. My sweet dear landlady friend finally got the break she hoped for and will be moving with her partner a long long way away. I am so so so pleased for her but I am going to so miss her too. It has been a wonderful thing her little visits every now and again and they have done me the world of good, given me so much confidence as well as great company. Part of me suddenly panics at the loss of my friend, one of the closest I have had for a long time... but part of me see's the opportunity too, especially that this place will be mine in a way I never saw it as. Scary as that is... its basically mine. The boy can have her room while he is here. It's scary, its an unknown future again with a safety net removed. It's what I make it again.

There is so much changing suddenly, all at once. Suddenly so many unknowns.

I guess I know two things. One is her. Two is, I have a really really nice ass.