Closure

Now that whinge is out the way (well, fairly recently, I did kind of have to go to work in between, these things happen), onto other happier things. It is surprising how writing things down does clear the air and let you move on, it certainly did with the previous post.

It's something I've learnt can help with writing lists of actions... If they are written down then I don't have to keep remembering what it is I need to do, I can go back and read the list. It's there, outside myself and the piece of paper can look after it. Just like that, sometimes writing down what hurts can let me leave it there rather than keep living it. Sometimes. Hehe.

One thing that does occur though, one thing that HAS changed is yes... these things still stress/upset/bother me, but they don't hang around as they do... it's much more discrete.

Another moment of closure today. One of the things that's bothered me and I've avoided doing since I seperated was sorting out my son's savings. We've saved the child benefit he get's from the government since he was born and a chunk of it was moved into our savings account a few years ago. This account was offset against our mortgage so it reduced the interest we paid and was helping to reduce the term. When we split up, the way I settled things was to buy my ex a new house so she and the boy had somewhere to live. Unfortunately this took all of the sale of our old house and half our savings. So that left me with half the savings and no house...but we still owed the boy the money that was his. I suppose, rationally my ex should have paid half of it and I should have paid half of it, but things were fairly hard back then and I had to make things work between us, and I wasn't really in the sort of place mentally to fight for my side of things. I have to admit though, everytime I've started to think "I must move that money into another account" I've felt suddenly resentful, so avoided it. It was an unpleasent reminder of everything I gave away in order to ensure we all moved on with our lives and that I could feel free. But... my ex announced she was looking to buy a car and was looking to take out a loan. She actually handled the situation pretty adultly for her, and was willing to take on the responsibility of the loan so I talked to her about it, and the interest she would be paying on it over three years and suggested she borrow the majority of it from the money I had to repay our son, and she pay that back weekly. The rest, well, I lent her and I will reduce the amount I pay her monthly. Maybe I was interfering but I could do it and it seemed silly that she was wasting money. It also gave me the kick I needed to deal with one of the last thorns of our seperation, and part of me did think... I kinda prefer just in case anything happens with my job that me so I stopped paying her child support... at least she hasn't got a loan over her head.

So it's done, and it hurt like hell... really hurt.... but it was like lancing a boil and after a day or two it felt such a relief. Today I went into the bank and opened a savings account for the boy and set up the standing order for her repayments. Closure on that, and it feels good. Definitely behind me now.

I'm pretty tired after the day at work and the sleepless night, but now my neighbour wants help with her laptop when she get's back from her sister, so I can't nap!

It really didn't sound good when she said "It starts with FAT32 on a blue screen..."