Work. Blah.

Ok calmed down now somewhat. I was fairly "blah" when I came in from work. Definitely of the mind of just curling up and shutting out the world but I made myself come in and do the chores I had to get done tonight. Sort out travel insurance for the trip to San Francisco. Sort out problems with my son's health insurance. Do the dishes. Get the laundry ready. Tidy round a little. Get all the things done that needed doing before I sat down as I knew I wouldn't feel like doing them when I did sit.

Strangely it has made a difference and I feel a lot calmer now and like there has been a separation between the day and how I feel now. I will have to try and remember that. So this blog isn't QUITE so whiney as it might have been. I went into work this morning thinking one of the things that left me down about work was I didn't feel appreciated. I mean its work, and I get paid for it, you aren't there to get cuddly fluffy credit for things. I do think I work hard though and think I do a reasonable job. An odd thankyou from people when I've gone out of my way, not as a company thing, but a personal thing... I mean thats not too much to ask for is it?

No though. For the things I've done today I've had gripes, complaints. I've tried to point out things as to others so they know whats going on and it leads to just shit being thrown back at you. So thats the reward and thanks you get. Try and do something, say something and you get jumped on. So why bother? Half the people at work seem to get praise for creating a crisis (by doing something wrong originally) then having to fix it. Maybe that's where I am going wrong! I shouldn't do things right in the first place!

The worst of it is... I came home tonight wondering if it was me? Am I doing something wrong. Am I coming across badly to provoke people into being like this? Am I really just not very good at this which is why this happens. Is it something in my attitude that pisses people off and makes them be so high and mighty and demanding? I really hate most that these things make me doubt myself and then I doubt myself in other things. I know I get cross because of things that happen but I really hope I am not the cause of it all.