Happiness

I started reading a book this morning and it had the statement in it "don't try and do things to make yourself happy, instead decide to be happy". It's a bit simplistic, of course (as many of these generalisations are) but it made me think. What it was getting at is not a new idea, but I guess today it struck me in a new way. It struck a chord for sure. The idea that as people we often put goals in our lives and say once "XXX" happens then I will be happy.

When I find a partner. When I am married. When I have children. When the children grow up enough to be self-sufficient. When I am single again. When I have enough money to stop struggling. When I have that bigger house. When I have a better job. When I retire.

All putting off happiness as something that can be achieved by a change in our circumstances rather than by a change of our thinking. When that happens though, its put off for another goal... Always in the future.

I know I have been guilty of this, especially when I was married... Once I was away from the marriage I would be happy as I would no longer have these bad arguments and fights, all the things which made me unhappy. Things would then be alright. Of course life doesn't work that way and afterwards I still kept putting more "when...." ahead of me. It's quite a miracle (and with definite credit to my friends who have stuck by me) that I've managed to get as far as I have with the attitude I've had. Damn that victorian work ethic that was drummed into me as a child! Heh, it carries over into everything making me think everything is achievable if you try hard enough.

But no... As a dear friend likes to put it, the pleasure is in the little things. If you keep working so hard at things you just end up exhausted, frustrated and looking for something new to "make" you happy. Stopping, looking around, listening to whats really in front of your nose. Well then maybe you can start enjoying whats there.

I remember from church the statement that Jesus said the way to heaven wasn't through works, it was by grace, by Him. You couldn't earn your way there. Maybe heaven and happiness aren't too far seperated. You can't earn them, you just have to stop and accept what's already there.