Learning

Life has very much been an eyeopener recently. Life, people, BDSM. So many things changing, so many relationships changing. New friendships forming. Others maturing. Thunder. Meeting people over there. Seeing my first dungeon. Going to SWAMP. Meeting people from ALT. Dressing in public in the UK. So many things. I admit I knew all the terms such as SSC and RACK but it never really sank in what they meant to me. I guess I was fairly passive. Reticent to express my desires. Willing to be "done to" or let others take the lead but not willing to put forward my side of the equation. Thats not to say I was a "bad sub"... but I definitely suffered from the "whatever you want Mistress" syndrome. Maybe its because I came from an online background so didnt have much experience of what i DID like. It's very hard to say "i want this" when you have never tried anything and don't have major deep fantasies on any subject. When all you know is inside you that you are a horny kinky slut who has a deep desire to serve and make those you care for happy. I was very lucky that my former Mistress understood me so well and led me into wanting things, teaching me the way to start admitting my desires. Still then though, with her, my over-riding desire was to serve. She so spoiled me with her desires, but I know thats not common or fair on a partner. I don't want to top from the bottom, i don't want to say me me me, but I do want to take responsibility for showing them what I want and need. To give them over a wonderful platter of kinks, fetishes, desires, fears to choose from and twist in their own delightful way. To give them ideas to play with. To work together to meet our mutual needs and have a wonderful kinky time. I have begun to realise it doesn't matter what it is you do with your partner, it's that it works for both of you, that it fulfils both your needs (both to give and to be accepted, to do and be done to, to please and to be pleased to love and be loved) and builds a deep intimate connection between you. That's what BDSM is for me, a wonderful connection between people at a deep intimate almost primal level, with an array of toys and methods to achieve that. Today both the terms SSC and RACK finally fell into place. Why one and not the other, what the difference is. Someone had said to me recently she had seen how I had changed, how my terms of reference had changed, and how she saw me. Today I saw it for myself. I was discussing fantasies with a friend and things got very deep, very heated and very much beyond anything we had admitted to someone else before. We were feeding each other with our fantasies. After we calmed down we sat back and looked at them and said ok... if that were to happen what would the consequences be. What would the risks be. How would we mitigate them. How would we decide, if that ever happened, when it would be on the scale of "acceptable risk" (and all BDSM has SOME risk, but so does crossing the road...). What would be too much? What should be left as a fantasy and not reality. Whilst talking it popped into my head. Safe. Sane. Consensual. This would be consensual if it ever happened, yes. Safe? Well. No. As safe as it could be made to be, but not without accepted risks, minimal yes, but still... not what I could hand on heart say was "safe" in a strict sense. So hmmm. Sane? Well, we both agreed it was hot as hell... and appealed to our particular backgrounds, tastes, kinks, but sane? Hmmm again. It was safe and sane to us, but others might not see it that way. It just felt too much like stretching those terms. Then it popped into my head what I'd been told about RACK. Risk Aware - yes. If we ever did this sort of thing we would make sure we knew everything we could about it, the implications, the consequences, before even deciding if it was a yes/no/maybe/keep as a fantasy or role play. Consensual. Hell yes. Ripping each others clothes off to do would count as somewhat consensual in most books... Kink. Ummm yes totally. So there it dawned. In our own little newbie way we had decided that RACK fitted us. We were both somewhat shocked, somewhat stunned and somewhat well, proud of ourselves. It felt like growing up. Admitting our desires. Admitting they had consequences. Taking responsibility for them and our actions. Not hiding in "in didn't know" or letting ourselves be led by others, but taking responsibility as adults. I don't know if we will ever do that scene. Who knows. It doesnt matter. It feels good to be an adult in the big kinky sweetshop and ready to be responsible kinksters. Well until we get all hormonal again anyway :P.