Venom

I hate losing my temper at work. Well. Not losing it. I have never lost at work. I internalise it to stop it from exploding out on people. But I hate that. I hate how it leaves me feeling. I hate how it backlashes inside as I push it in so I start tearing myself to shreds rather than lashing out. I hate that people at work can push me into such a corner with a bad meeting.

I am doing that at the moment. Well trying not to do it in fact. Fighting with it. Trying not to hurt myself and finding it hard. The barbs against myself come so easily. The wounds inside open up so easily, old scars asking to be picked, so many words come easily into my mind to dig in with a vitriol and venom I would never use on someone else.

I am not going to do it. I won't... I won't.. I won't do it to them, so why should I do it to me?