Family betrayals

While I was down here though my parents wanted to sit me down and talk to me about my Nan. Dad had been abrupt on the phone the night before as he had to keep the line clear and told me he would explain when I got down here. I was kind of worried, to be honest. Nan is 87, blind and barely mobile and suffers panic attacks so I was making up all sorts of possibilities.

I can hear Nan on the phone to Mum at the moment in the background to be honest, and they are reassuring her that everything is ok as she is having a panic attack. I am taking Mum down to stay with her a few days on the way home, so the timing has turned out well.

The basic story is (and I don't think there is anyway to state it except factually, as you would start getting bitter if you really thought about it) my Aunt (who is the most local to Nan) was charged with her basic care and finances. Nan is very wary of strangers so wouldn't allow a paid cared assistant so my aunt received the care allowance for shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc, and making sure that bills, etc, were paid. After Nan's phone was suddenly disconnected a whole mess has been revealed which Mum and Dad have been dealing with for the last couple of weeks. Utility bills unpaid for several years and all of them either in the hands of debt collectors or about to have a forcible disconnection. My Aunt having apparently taken the pension for who knows how many years and paid barely a penny out.

The temptation is, of course, to go after my Aunt. If financially my parents weren't in a position to try and get Nan out of this then they would have no choice. They can though, and I am pretty proud of them despite how angry they have been about this (Mum hasn't really slept in the last couple of weeks) they have stepped back from the desire for retribution and thought about what's best for my Nan. They know it would kill Nan if she knew quite the scope of what's happened, how much she was betrayed. She would hide away terrified for fear of the trouble she had caused. I also know... that anger would have hidden a certain (misplaced) guilt that they did not push things earlier, did not dig deeper. So (can you tell practicality runs in my family) instead they have thought about what Nan needs and have taken over all the organisation and financial responsibility, even though they have to do it from a distance. My aunt is talking of slinking off and frankly I don't care what happens to her as long as she keeps out of our lives and our affairs. I've been helping Mum and Dad setup all the utility bills for online billing, so they don't have to worry about how they will get the bills.

There has been talk that maybe my Aunt has a gambling problem. I don't know. It has been nothing but lies as long as I can remember so I not even going to think about it. Rare as it is for me, I have no sympathy and no empathy. This is pure exploitation of someone that was helpless and depended on her. Her own Mother. I am beyond disgusted, I am not even bitter. To me, I count myself less one relative and will have no qualms completely ignoring her if I ever had the misfortune to encounter her again.