Goals

I made a comment to a very dear friend today that I was feeling somewhat aimless and wondering where life was going. Like it wasn't really going anywhere. She, in her usual practical way said "well set some goals then". I can't really argue with her, heh, her bluntness is rather unarguable especially as she is always right. She showed me a goal list a friend of hers had written, of things to achieve in the next year. So we agreed, between us, that we would both make a list of things we wanted to do by next March.

It has to be fun things, things we want to do but havent done or have held back from. Fun things, not "i'll get fit" but things which we want to have done, experienced, learnt, seen... things that maybe changes in our lives will help us achieve... so the ends not the means.

I find this terrifying as its instantly made me feel fearful, so hence this blog, to examine why. Its a good thing, to address these.

I am scared of what I want sounding stupid, of it showing up how stupid I am, or how little I have done in life that people take for granted, how my upbringing was stunted and cossetted and sheltered. Showing how little I know and can do.

I am scared of change, but mainly because I am scared of failure. Of not being able to do things.

So that's there. A big fear of failure so fearing wanting goals. ime to start dreaming a little Alan...

Review

This afternoon was my 6month review for being on Citalopram. I put it off to the last moment (i.e. needing a repeat prescription and being nearly out of pills) as I wanted to try and work out what to say. No, before you say I wasn't just procrastinating. I really was trying to work out what I wanted to say.

I'm glad I did as it was the normal routine. I went in, she asked how I was, I said how things had been. She wanted to know how I wanted to carry on. I said I thought counselling would be a good next step... she said probably yes, asked what sort of things I might want to try and deal with. I said relationships. Groups. How I react to things because of my self-esteem/insecurity. She said fair enough, so I asked what was available. They have a counsellor attached to the surgery but her waiting list is closed as she has too many patients and too many on the list. The counsellor does accept patients privately though so she suggested that as an option, so I have her card. I asked for advice on the different types of therapy and she explained a couple of the types, so I have a better idea.

The other thing I asked about was a light box and she said it couldn't hurt if I felt cooped up all the time and I had suffered a lot last winter... so she said to look on the internet at prices.

Before I left, she asked about the medication, if I wanted to carry on or consider changing it. I said yes carry on, and she said fine, she would probably have suggested spring anyway before coming off if I was worried about the winter. So that's it... Another 6 months of repeat prescriptions.

Never

Never let anyone define you by telling you "what you are" even if couched in terms of being in your best interest. Don't let them limit your possibilities.

Never let anyone tell you how to think. Don't let them limit your mind.

Never let anyone tell you how you should feel. Don't let them limit your emotions.

Never let anyone tell you how to live your life. It's yours to make mistakes, have successes, to laugh, cry, to experience, to live.